re_____

reconciliation

i was finally able to get over myself and reply to a message that had been lingering in my inbox like a bad smell of rotten egg for four weeks. pride is very ugly, and it can come more subtly than we realise in ways we don't understand as being filled with it. humility is about breaking down your own walls and putting others before yourself, understanding that what is right and what you want sometimes are two very different things and understanding that you need to put your wants away and be a bigger person. it is also a beautiful thing when you do that and realise it isn't actually so scary and it does more good for you than it probably does for the other person




rejuvenation

i wrote this the day we spent together, but we both acknowledged how important this day was for us to getting back to normal together again and it just felt so perfectly us.

"this post is dedicated to my best friend in the entire galaxy, we just spent the entire morning in my bed. i can't actually remember what we were talking about but i do remember that we laughed harder than we have in a very long time together. it was so beautiful, because sometimes you think that being adult and making grown up decisions literally suck out all of the glowing moments that make being alive an exquisite thing. but in spite of knowing that after april it might be a really long time until we are living in the same country again, we are mad dawgz at not even thinking about that. i think that is a conscious decision for us because it hurts too much. so we are carpe diem-ers cos if we weren't it would hurt the poo out of us.

we finally decided to make a plan for the hour and half left we had together before i had to work and obviously it constitued of getting hot chips and gravy and we surprised ourselves adding doughnuts and eating said meal in the pool with my beautiful hound who finished our chips through the gate for us. there has never been anyone more perfect for me and i'm so grateful she is such a huge guiding light in my life. i still wish i was a boy cos then we could marry each other..oh well."




replenishment

i am finally beginning to understand how enriching relationships are in our existence. i have had so much social exposure this week and it was actually SO GOOD. from hanging with bff4lyf annette to seeing romeo and juliet with a very dear friend and role model to seeing a girlfriend from high school for breakfast to spending time with my cousin up the coast to a spur of the moment movie night with a boy after church. i also went to a club this weekend to see my brother's dj set for my godsister's birthday which was soooooo much fun and i boogied my toosh off. coming back home each night and lying in bed thinking about all of our very different interactions and what makes them special is so fulfilling for me. seeing which parts of yourself are brought out with some people but shadowed with others...it's FASCINATING. it's so important to know who you are and everything but letting people fill you and touching each others souls are much more remarkable things than i was ever aware of.