last week was amazing, i woke up every day unbelievably motivated and driven to get things done, i even got my full license which i even studied a tiny bit for, i spoke to people and did things and it felt so good. SO GOOD! last week, i was peaking.
this week has been a real struggle to come to terms with being home--i have found that it really does come in waves, when you feel so incredibly prepared to use all of the things you've learnt and apply it like a beast and then other times when you actually don't feel like you can function not having had a total clarification of purpose at 'this exact moment'.
i went and saw an old friend who works at a record store and i was just stumped and couldn't convey anything i wanted to properly and just felt myself sliding down into the inability-to-express-yourself-so-you-are-doomed-to-your-cave-of-loneliness pit, and went away happy with my purchase (björk's homogenic, can't go wrong) but so unhappy that i acted like a 16 year old freak.
i also have a problem with saying no to people
eg. i just signed up to greenpeace to save the great barrier reef because i got nice-bullied into it and sucked into a conversation with these two guys because i didn't want to be rude and say no and then suddenly he was taking my details and then we were talking about basketball and now i am donating $25 next month to their cause. so actually i am going to call them and explain what i have done and that this is the result of personality issues that i am trying to work through so i don't have to give them 25 bucks that i don't have.
I HAVE STRONG OPINIONS BUT CAN'T GIVE THEM OUT COS I AM A FOOL.
i would rather not disclose how many times i have listened to 'creep' by radiohead or the strokes and laid on my bed and sucked myself into the void of my sad-brain this week...preeeeetty embarrassing. i couldn't even spell embarrassing without spellcheck. WHAT HAVE I BECOME.
most wonderful conversation with a good mate last night though which has so far been the highlight of my dumb week.
bergh, worst post ever
